This Halloween I Realized My Babies Are Not Babies

How did this happen? How did time pass so fast that I feel this feeling and realization has come out of left field? How did it not sink in before that this baby phase is slowly fading?

Ok maybe I'm being a tad dramatic.

I was just a bit taken aback, mostly in awe, of watching the kids on Halloween. We took them both trick-or-treating, thinking they will tire quickly, that we would need to carry both at some point,  and that they would be timid or scared at some points (they are only 1 and 3 after all).

But no.

Caiden had a big day, dressed as IronMan. He embodied the whole character. He went to a party at school, had a blast, and then came home to rest...he knew he had big plans in the evening. Sure enough, when the time came, he was eager saying to the rest of us "C'mon!!" 

Rayna was her favourite character, Minnie Mouse. She looked adorable and once given her pail, was walking around signaling for her shoes.

As we all, dressed, headed down our block, it hit me. We have hit the years where we don't just dress them up for pictures and visits to family. We have entered the age of them actually wanting to partake in activities and us enjoying it with them. Where they know what's to come and actually look forward to it and it become a known family venture. I love it. At the same time, I an taken aback at how quickly it seems to have come.  As we walked house to house, Caiden would turn to us at each house and say "wait...I go myself", wanting for us to go to back off and let him be a big boy. With the same token, I would follow suit with Rayna, who, shockingly, would stand there and reach for the candy then say "that tu" as she received her treat.

This was all super cute, so amazing to be out with my family and watch my kids reach this stage...yet so unfathomably crazy surreal it feels to have two walking, semi-talking toddlers enjoying Halloween.

Toddlers...not babies...soon they will be kids...sigh.

So of course I must chronicle and take pictures!

What a great one. Our other festivities included the pumpkin patch, Vandusen Glow and a family Halloween party!

One for the books!

Kidloland App: Nursery Rhymes for Kids

I am always looking for simple, fun and good developmental activities for the kids, particularly Caiden.  As an active 3 year old, who is learning daily and is familiar with navigating apps on the tablet or phone, keeping him entertained while not always giving into Netflix or just shows can be a challenge when we are out.

I know, I know, limit screen time. Which I generally agree with.  However, there are some time when you are out, at a restaurant, a wedding, or the doctor's office, where some time on the phone/tablet is all a busy mom needs to calm a toddler who is getting super ancy.  Furthermore, we grew up watching Sesame Street, and still got in tonnes of activities and are fine. Having said all that, I will say, that whatever I give me kid...I like to know he (and eventually she) is getting something really beneficial out of it.

Kidloland nails that.

This is an app easily downloadable on any system.  I would say it is for ages 1 to 5.  It is super easy to use, so the kids can navigate themselves.  It offers a tonne of nursery rhymes, activities, also songs to make learning numbers, shapes, animal sounds, and colours super fun.

Once you are in the app, you are given a lot of options for what category you are interested in.

Once you, or your kid, makes their selection, you get more choices on what song or learning you want for that moment.  The free trial comes with a number of options, but once you subscribe, you just click the locked options and it downloads within seconds.

I kid you not, within each category, there are tonnes of options.  The options are endless, all entertaining for the little ones and they just don't get bored.  You also don't feel guilty because it is wholesome, safe for kids, and educational.  It's a win win.

Caiden loves the animals and animal sounds...he knows them well but I noticed Rayna starting to take notice, and sure enough my little girl is saying "moo" when the cow comes on the screen, or "baaaaa" when we see the sheep.

The other thing I absolutely love, is the fact that once you have downloaded the package or songs within a category, it is there.  You can use it offline, no problem.  So no more fussing about connecting to wifi, or using your data.  For me, this was the winning moment, when I realized this app did this.  I don't panic if I go to a place to eat and they have no wifi, or my data is acting up.  The kids are happy and so am I.

For all this, I think it is a great app, truly.  It's also cheap for subscribing (about $39.99 usd for the year), but you can do it monthly and have a free 1 week trial.  The awesome thing is that you keep discovering new songs and activities, and they are adding even more.

I encourage you to give it a try...links included below.

Caiden surprised me with how much he took too it, and it's been really good for us.


Try Kidloland by visiting one of the following links (different options per operating system):

IOS

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/kidloland-300+-nursery-rhymes/id533412119?mt=8

Android (Google Play Store)

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.internetdesignzone.nurseryrhymes&hl=en

Amazon Appstore

https://www.amazon.com/Internet-Design-Zone-Nursery-Rhymes/dp/B00HFQBCEU

My Mom Guilt and What I'm Going To Do To Erase It

Mom guilt. I heard this term a few times but never quite understood it.

Until now.

I know most of my posts are of the joys of motherhood,  and how precious it is.  Which, it truly is, and I am so fortunate I love everything about motherhood...even the hard lessons.  The reason I can say that,  is because I expected the hard work, sleepless nights, tantrums and tiredness.  I anticipated it, and I was ready.

However, I am human. Humans have their patience tested. To be exact, humans with toddlers that are trying to stake their independence and babies that won't sleep, have their patience tested.

That's me. For the first time, in my parenting journey, I have moments where I ask my kids to "just go to sleep" or "please just listen or you are getting a timeout" or "don't do that" like a million times a day.  I am doing it so much that I can feel my patience veering off in the distance, laughing while it's packing its bags and going on vacay (maybe for a few years).  I can feel myself tugging at its leg, begging for it to stay...then it happens...I lose my patience.

I yell or I send a tearful tantrum-mode 3 year old to a timeout or I just walk away myself because I am, at that moment,  not equipped to handle it all.

It doesn't last long, the standoff, but as soon as this moment happens, it's not long until the "mom guilt" kicks in.

That is the worst. I hate it every time and I swear I won't do it tomorrow, but I do...and mom guilt kicks my butt...again. 

This has been on repeat for about a week now, as soon as Caiden turned 3. To no fault of his really, he is being a 3 year old, tough, testing his boundaries, suddenly not listening, and out of no where repeating things back, "no mommy, you eat your cereal!" "No mommy, I don't want to brush you go brush!"  Now normally, past defiances, I have just been able to calmly say to go to his room and when he is ready to come back out...but now, this is a showdown and if I don't carry him into the room, chances are he will not go in there. 

So yes, this phase has knocked me down and defeated me.  I admit it.  I was not prepared to be defeated.  After the third one in the same morning, I crack. I fall and I feel bad.

However, I write here...and as I write I think "I must not be the only mom to have gone through this and I surely can find a better solution." I do not want to yell or get upset, I want to continue to not give into everything and I must continue with teaching what I need to teach. I also want to make sure I'm not just yelling out of tiredness and frustration in general and taking everything as a misbehavior.

I think the solution is...say goodbye to mom guilt and embrace the toddler terrible 3s and tell myself, "I got this."  I need to empower myself, so I don't feel defeated and continue the cycle of: misbehaving/not listening, just saying no, yelling, tantrum/crying, timeout, more crying, repeat. 

To do this, here is a list of things I must do:

1. Try my best to not yell back or yell at all. If I feel like patience is leaving the building, take 5 seconds and just breathe or sit down.  This is super important.

2.  Get close to him and talk eye to eye and ask him to tell you what he wants.  I read that tantrums are often just frustration because they feel you are not understanding them.  So it isn't just one way, they need to know you hear them too.

3.  Stick to timeouts for punishments but make sure it's for actual punishable things, like throwing a toy or hitting his sister, not because he didn't want to eat his yogurt.  Be reasonable and not just insist on being listened to. 

4.  When all else fails...hug.

5.  Lastly, remember that even in the moments of craziness, those are just small moments, and majority of the time, he does have great moments of listening and cuddling and being fricking cute.  So I am not in need to sulk and have terrible mom guilt, he is a good kid and I am still a good mom. 

Do you suffer from mom guilt?  If so, I am a list believer, and think reminders via lists go a long way. 

I am letting go of the weeks battles and starting fresh.  I regretted not handling this new phase better myself, but hey I am human...I live, learn and move on. 

Bye mom guilt...hello patience, I missed you. 

Bucket Fun List for Toddlers

I pretty much always have a mental note of what our next activity or playground adventure should be with Caiden. 

I feel like there are always going to be so many things to do or see.  What I am learning,  however, is to not get consumed with all the things available because some may be just way too much for him at this stage; and to reserve some fun for later ages too. I am starting to take it in stride...it is very easy to get caught up in the  "not missing anything" parent frame of mind.

So in keeping toddlers in mind, and seeing what was super successful and fun with my toddler, I came up with a bucket list of fun must-dos for aged 1 to 3 year olds.  Some include visits to parks or venues, but others are just simple, easy, things that they will love with no planning needed on your part.

Each item on the list here gets such an awesome response.  Seeing this enthusiasm and joy is...well it brings out the kid in you too.

I think you will have fun seeing them enjoy the following:

1. Visit the local Aquarium

2. Jumping Puddles (with rain boots of course)

3. The Pumpkin Patch (including sloshing in the mud puddles)

4.  Watching airplanes take flight

5.  Choo choo train ride (usually put on during Christmas, Halloween or Easter)

6.  Petting or any zoo of sort

7.  Water parks and swimming

8.  Sand castles and Beachcombing

9.  Cotton candy and Kiddie rides at a Fair

10. Public song or Storytimes

11. Running around in large open fields

12. Bubble Baths

13.  Finger painting with no boundaries

14.  Cake smashing

15.  Jumping in a ball pit

Have fun you guys!!!

NO! - The Tantrum Anthem

I don't think I have ever heard the word "No" so much in my life before.

It's ironic, because it generally  comes in a sweet little person voice, followed by a definitive target (mom, dad, etc.), coupled with a laughable cute face, therefore making you laugh and get a little upset at the same time.

Well it isn't always funny.

I have heard no from my boy repeatedly for the past two days.  It has been so much, and so sudden, that I found myself sitting down with him and saying to him "but you are a boy that listens."  Then I ponder, "are you going to change that? please don't, I hate when kids don't listen and my kids will listen."

Well...time to wake up and smell the peanut butter...because it looks like Caiden is hitting another testy toddler phase.  Shoot. 

I sort of thought I had hurdled the tantrums and crazy stage of the terrible twos, and was relieved. I even thought to myself, "that wasn't so bad."  However, this is some new marked independence here; he closes his room door, pushes me on the other side, he tells me no when I ask him to do things he normally never resists, like brushing his teeth or picking up his toys and so on.  Sometimes it is a simple "no mom",  but the last two days these things, amongst others, have resulted in battles.  Two occasions led to the dreaded public tantrum...oh gosh yes it went there.

I have always felt bad for moms dealing with a tantrum in a shopping line, but yesterday I was that mom.  It doesn't last long,  the tantrum, but I wonder how many more does this guy have in him.

I decided I will take it in stride, I won't battle but I won't give in.  And, I will enlist my own army.  So grandparents have been told to not always give in, and we will nip it in the bud.

Today was a lot better,  and I think I know why. 
Initially, yes this can be frustrating and your first tendency is to be assertive.  However, going to bed defeated got me thinking,  I don't want to always battle him and I am sure he just thinks I am just not getting him.  So I read some notes from my Toddlers best chance book, had some awesome tea, got some sleep.  I woke up rejuvenated, today will be a success. 

It was much better...here is what I did different today, so some take away points if you need during your tantrum stages:

1.  Keep calm.  Each point of a tantrum or stand-off, remain calm.  Do not revert to anger yourself.  If he is not having it, you yelling more will not change it.  Keep calm and respond as you want him to.

2.  Ignore. He will eventually calm down, so ignore if you just don't know what he wants.  This isn't mean, it just shows you won't always give in and that it doesn't affect you.  This truly works...he totally saw that and calmed down himself.

3.  Distract.  If what he wants he can't have, you can ignore and then distract him with something else.  If he is still not having it, I actually turned my attention to his little sister with whatever I wanted him to do...and that worked also.

4.  Hug it out.  Offer the hugs and kisses despite the fact you kind of need a break...because it may just be the thing that calms you both down.  Lucky for me, my kid loves hugs.

5.  Tell yourself it is not your fault, or his.  He is not bad and you are not a bad parent.  This is a normal life stage.  He thinks you do not understand what he wants and showing he wants something specific, and you are trying to establish rules.  It is like a right of passage and all parents experience it at some point to some degree.

Needless to say, no major tantrums today and I feel confident I have some better tools to handle the next one.

I hope.