NO! - The Tantrum Anthem

I don't think I have ever heard the word "No" so much in my life before.

It's ironic, because it generally  comes in a sweet little person voice, followed by a definitive target (mom, dad, etc.), coupled with a laughable cute face, therefore making you laugh and get a little upset at the same time.

Well it isn't always funny.

I have heard no from my boy repeatedly for the past two days.  It has been so much, and so sudden, that I found myself sitting down with him and saying to him "but you are a boy that listens."  Then I ponder, "are you going to change that? please don't, I hate when kids don't listen and my kids will listen."

Well...time to wake up and smell the peanut butter...because it looks like Caiden is hitting another testy toddler phase.  Shoot. 

I sort of thought I had hurdled the tantrums and crazy stage of the terrible twos, and was relieved. I even thought to myself, "that wasn't so bad."  However, this is some new marked independence here; he closes his room door, pushes me on the other side, he tells me no when I ask him to do things he normally never resists, like brushing his teeth or picking up his toys and so on.  Sometimes it is a simple "no mom",  but the last two days these things, amongst others, have resulted in battles.  Two occasions led to the dreaded public tantrum...oh gosh yes it went there.

I have always felt bad for moms dealing with a tantrum in a shopping line, but yesterday I was that mom.  It doesn't last long,  the tantrum, but I wonder how many more does this guy have in him.

I decided I will take it in stride, I won't battle but I won't give in.  And, I will enlist my own army.  So grandparents have been told to not always give in, and we will nip it in the bud.

Today was a lot better,  and I think I know why. 
Initially, yes this can be frustrating and your first tendency is to be assertive.  However, going to bed defeated got me thinking,  I don't want to always battle him and I am sure he just thinks I am just not getting him.  So I read some notes from my Toddlers best chance book, had some awesome tea, got some sleep.  I woke up rejuvenated, today will be a success. 

It was much better...here is what I did different today, so some take away points if you need during your tantrum stages:

1.  Keep calm.  Each point of a tantrum or stand-off, remain calm.  Do not revert to anger yourself.  If he is not having it, you yelling more will not change it.  Keep calm and respond as you want him to.

2.  Ignore. He will eventually calm down, so ignore if you just don't know what he wants.  This isn't mean, it just shows you won't always give in and that it doesn't affect you.  This truly works...he totally saw that and calmed down himself.

3.  Distract.  If what he wants he can't have, you can ignore and then distract him with something else.  If he is still not having it, I actually turned my attention to his little sister with whatever I wanted him to do...and that worked also.

4.  Hug it out.  Offer the hugs and kisses despite the fact you kind of need a break...because it may just be the thing that calms you both down.  Lucky for me, my kid loves hugs.

5.  Tell yourself it is not your fault, or his.  He is not bad and you are not a bad parent.  This is a normal life stage.  He thinks you do not understand what he wants and showing he wants something specific, and you are trying to establish rules.  It is like a right of passage and all parents experience it at some point to some degree.

Needless to say, no major tantrums today and I feel confident I have some better tools to handle the next one.

I hope.

Pumpkin Patch, Ghost trains and SuperMom!

I should  have worn a Big S this Halloween.   In fact, I was so tired I am only getting around to blogging about  this now, nearly 2 weeks later.

Our Halloween festivities included a visit to the Stanley Park Ghost Train and Spooky Barn, and of course the Richmond Country  Farm Pumpkin  Patch.  

However, the trip to the pumpkin patch I ventured on all by myself..well me and my little ones.  What was I thinking????  I had nothing to do and because we hadn't  gotten a pumpkin yet, I thought we could just go to the farm, pick a pumpkin  and be on our merry way.  NO!  Although all the hay and farm animals and displays are awesome and easy enough  to walk around, I did not see any pumpkins.  In fact, you must take a hay ride on a wagon to get to the patch...I must have forgotten all this.  Here I was thinking, you show up, pose for cute pics and someone directs you to a bunch of little pumpkins.  So fumbling to put  Rayna in the Bjorn and handle Caiden (who took a liking to throwing apples in the pond that day) I did the bravest thing ever....I went on the wagon.  All the mud and glory of it later, we ended up with 3 cute pumpkins and a very happy guy.

I didn't  get the glorious awesome pictures I dreamed of but when I look back, it actually shows a wonderfully busy yet festive Halloween.

But next year I am only going to dress  as a Superhero, not be one.  Hehehe

Ghost train ride at Stanley Park

Vick and Caiden...and a witch?

We are always taking the pictures, so we asked the guys to take a picture of us with the wee ones...this is the best shot they got, thanks guys.

He loved all the hay!

Halloween family selfie!

Rayna's pumpkin

Pumpkin carving!!

Mud and Pumpkins

Aside from the pumpkins, he loved the animals at the farm

Just proof Ray was there too

Our little ladybug!

Chase is on the case!

I Have Changed.

I am a different person...post pregnancies.

Obviously having children evokes changes within,  changes priorities,  changes sleep patterns, even changes how much love you could project.  All these are the anticipated and well-welcomed changes.

However,  as I sit here in silence as my kids sleep and me and hubby watch TV, while eating turkey sandwiches, I realize, "what the heck? I am eating a pickle.  I don't like pickles, but I am eating it in my sandwich and it tastes good...wow I have changed."  

This got me thinking...what else has changed?

So I made a list here of things that are different now, and likely some moms will agree.

1.  My feet
I already had big feet but they have grown and have yet to shrink back!

2.  My affinity to vinegar based foods.
I always loved olives and such, however I now can eat various pickled items that the old me would have overlooked...mmm yummy pickles.

3.  My ability to not break the seal.
Needless to say this is gone (sorry if this is T.M.I.).  That's all I will say about that.

4.  Going to bed without removing make-up.
This was a huge no-no before, but now after coming home from an event, some days I just want to pass out after putting the kids down, so yeah...disgustingly it happens.   I am sure this will eventually go back.

5.  My cool normal self. You know those crazy women we hear about that you swear you will never be...yeahhh I take that back.  You do not want to deal with me past 10pm.

6.  My inner tendency to people please.
Basically if I can be there for you I will,  but my kids come first and if that bothers anyone, where the old me would lose sleep over how to make it work, now I expect understanding or c'est la vie.  Time is too precious to waste it on worrying about everything else and everyone...don't worry be happy is no longer a cliché.

7.  Me being A.Ok. with a night in.  There was a time where Saturday night meant I had to have plans...not anymore.  I gladly look forward to a quiet evening at home where I actually get a chance to chillax.  It is not boring,  it is sheer awesomeness not trying to prove how awesome I am.

8.  My being on top of every chart topping song.  Nowadays,  unless it is overplayed,  I likely do not know what the heck I am hearing at a party. My repertoire of music at the moment includes Old McDonald,  Twinkle Twinkle, and various theme songs to popular shows on Treehouse.

9.  My stomach.
It is bigger, yes, however what I refer to here is my ability to have a stronger stomach when it comes to disgusting things such as vomit, diaper messes and so forth.  You truly have no choice as a parent,  it is something I feared I would be a tad grossed out by...but even the biggest of poop messes has kept me unphased.

10.  Last but not least...and likely the most affected: My memory.
Dear lordy lordy lordy...please help me remember where I put my keys, phone and any item I was holding onto 5 minutes ago.  I used to be on top of the ball, knew where all my stuff was and everyone else's,  now I am lucky if I can remember anything at all.  I literally forget why I came into a room and as such make a list of everything I must do each day.  Admittedly I am a but ditzy...I used to be smart...I swear it.

Well that is my list.  I am sure there are some others that can go up here, but I have probably forgotten (haha...no really though).

Do you moms out there have any other good ones to share?  I would love to hear!

Cheers to changes!

She is precious.

As I hear her little cries and squirming about, I know it's diaper change plus feed time for my little girl.

She knows I am there as I stop before picking her up to just peer into her crib for a second or two.  She sees me and even in the dim illumination from the nightlight, I can see her smile.  She smiles her own unique, heart-warming,  delectable smile, fully opening her mouth wide and then almost shyly tilting her head to the side. She knows I am staring and smiling back.   Then I pick her up and, although she is only 3 months and petite,  as I put her slightly on my shoulder and chest, she wraps her tiny arms around me gently as if hugging me. 

There I stand with my baby...in an embrace in the middle of the night and thinking "How did I get so lucky? I want to remember these moments forever...before she grows up and starts to piss me off".

Right now, other than the crazy events of the year we have had (sibling wedding, cousins weddings, sibling engagement,  new nephew,  friends having babies plus a baby of our own), my day-to-day life is quite ordinary and routine.  I get up, take care of my kids, clean, play, eat, etc. etc.  So it is easy to assume one gets bogged down and stuck in the cyclical pattern of unpredictability...but I feel that is far from the truth.  Well life with a toddler is never unpredictable, but I truly love being a mom and cherishing these little life moments.   I catch myself often watching and observing and then completely coddling my kids.  Of course this is not on the days where I am beyond exhausted and begging them to let me sleep...oh yes I have those days too. 

Today I tucked Caiden into bed, and then re-tucked him in...he was so cute as he hugged me and then went back to sleep in his own room, own bed.  It wasn't that long ago I was picking him up from the crib.  So when I picked up my Rayna angel, I got the double  dose of love. 

She is a cuddler though for sure and geesh that smile...I wish I could create a sensory app where I download this warmth and feeling so I can just re-enact it in the future.  

She will be my last baby and I am so lucky, I know, to have another one that is happy, healthy and beautiful to the core. 

Now Rayna darling, please do not be a brat or handful in later years.  Someone please develop that app.

Goodnight...I am going to cuddle my precious baby back into her crib now.

Xoxo

2 - 2 and Under

Wow.

I have 2 kids, aged 2 and under. 

Wow....I can do it.   Some days I can barely, but some way and some how I do it.

Life being busy and crazy is an understatement.  I have now, only recently,  learned that my over-ambitous tendency to think I can still make plans and meet up with people whenever I like is, well, over-ambitous.   I needed to accept that, although I am managing and learning and getting better at it,  some days are damn unpredictable and now my response to anything is "I will try, depends on the kiddies."  

I have a new found respect for my own mom who mothered 4 kids, each being 2 or 3 years apart.  "How the hell did you do it woman?" 

While I have now mastered being with both on my own, packing them in and out of the car, and traveling by myself with both; I still need assistance when I reach my destination.  Caiden likes to run and play and completely embracing the terrible twos, while Rayna is a lot more chill but if she needs me it requires both hands...at which point Caiden (unless playing with trucks or watching Bubble Guppies) will suddenly want my attention too.  So I am still not brave enough to venture out shopping or park trips alone.   I will get there...I think.

Today, I over zealously have both kids in my room.  We have been training Caiden to sleep in his room and new bed, so hubby has been sleeping in his room to transition him...while I am up with Rayna.  Each morning after Vick goes to work Caiden comes into my room with blankie, his water bottle and a toy and climbs in...it's cliché adorable...big Awwww.  Well, today Caiden climbed in at night and passed out.  So I suggested leave him...maybe by cuddling with me he will sleep in and I get some Caiden cuddle time in.  I was excited.   However, I forget my angel baby Rayna is a party animal.   So needless to say it's 4am, I am awake. I have one kid sleeping laterally in my bed across all pillows, another on her second sleeper change, 5th diaper change and smiling as she spits up yet again. 

What was I thinking? 

Meanwhile I basically gave hubby the night off, I can hear him snoring.  Stupid me.  No further comment on that.

I also realized how ambitious it is to think you may be able to pull off everything. I try to be super everything and its humbling to admit I am human, my kids come first so that means I physically may not be able to do everything. 

So, here are just some things I now know and hopefully can pass on as advice:

1.  Accept that spit-up on shirts will become your accessory vs. those cool necklaces now collecting dust in your jewelry box...half broken from being tugged at so you no longer bother.

2.  It is perfectly normal to still be in your PJs at 2pm on some days, and yes unexpected guests or delivery people will see you in them.

3.  Showers are meant for night-time, when you have a spare person around.

4.  You cannot have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).  Reality is you can't be there like you used to for everyone else because you may not have the time or the energy and that is alright.  

5. You will need to let go of the fact you cannot control all happenings and therefore schedules, though awesome to have, some days go out the window.

6.  Accept help when you have it.  It does not make you less of a parent...don't abuse it, but if you have a spare hand and they are willing...use it!

7.  Everything comes in stages and phases.   Bad habits pass, sleepless nights pass, and they grow so fast...so let it be...take it all in.  If you cannot get to the dishes or laundary, leave it be...go play and take a time out...housework is not that important...always.

This is reality with 2 wee ones...the fun is sooooo fun, the tiring parts are worth it but yes very tiring.  And the crazy parts...well that's the beauty of it all.

My kids will be grown before I know it, this will be a distant memory and hopefully they will be as close as their ages.

This is one of those posts I am not over editing....it's raw late night mommyness.  It is 5am and I am going to now cuddle my son, who will be up in 2 hours ready to tackle the day while my daughter will sleep...sigh I hope they will love me forever...they better.

Goodnight (but really good morning)

Breakfast is totally possible

I know how a lot of moms feel with multiple kids, life is busy from the get-go as soon as any one kid is up.  You barely have time to sleep, let alone have a good, nutritous breakfast, especially within 2 hours of waking up.  So you sometimes settle for what is around that you can heat up or can grab and eat while running after a toddler, which usually means something processed or not too fulfilling.   Your priority, rightfully, is feeding your kiddies.

Moms you need your energy too, and if still trying to lose baby weight,  you need to be eating well and on time (to keep your metabolism running optimally you should eat within two hours of waking up, and avoid sugary breakfast alternatives). 
With a very active toddler, I found the trick is to eat the same breakfast.  No really.  Once your toddler is able to eat on his or her own, no need to bother with multiple breakfasts.

Here are a few breakfasts I do often with my son...quick, easy and nutritious. 

Grilled cheese with eggs and spinach
Simple grilled cheese, however I add a quickly scrambled egg and some leaves of baby spinach before grilling.  This takes all but 5 min to assemble and we both enjoy it.  It also combines protein, dairy, carbohydrates for a well balanced meal.  The spinach is not overpowering and adds a good source of iron which is great for a growing toddler.

Turkey sausage, waffles and blueberries
I always have waffles in my freezer...they are perfectly fine to serve you and your child...read labels choose ones with fibre and made with whole wheat.  Turkey sausages are a lean alternative to others,  and cooks quickly.  My son loves blueberries but I mix up the fruit option to keep variety in our diet. 

Cereal with yogurt and fruit
This is easy and needs no explanation.  But its simplicity doesn't make it boring.  My son likes to have his yogurt,  fruit and cereal all on his table and tops it with his cereal and gobbles it down.   Just choose cereals not high in sugar (should not be one of top 3 ingredients) and should provide at least 2g of fibre per serving.

Cinnamon toast, yogurt and pears
This is a fan favourite at my house. I put together a blend of cinnamon and sugar and keep it on hand.  Butter some bread (opt to use non-hydrogenated margarine of course), add a sprinkle of this cinnamon blend and toast in a toaster oven or oven to your liking.   Serve with fruit and yogurt; super easy, balanced and they will love it...so will you.

Peanut butter smoothie
My toddler loves this, mostly because we make it fun and make it together. 
I just add milk, bananas, frozen  strawberries and a healthy scoop of natural peanut butter.  It is delicious and nutritous and filling.

Strawberry pancakes and scrambled eggs
This is easier than it seems...I am not ashamed to buy pancake mix though. I add berries to my batter and make a couple,  this literally takes 5 minutes.  Scrambling some eggs is easy, nothing fancy there...serve with your pancakes and voila. 

I am big on sneaking in some servings of fruits or veggies early in the day, and even bigger about eating breakfast.  These are easy ways I ensure I can do both, regardless of having two little ones. 

Enjoy!

Stay up and stare

Well Rayna is definitely a night owl, she mainly likes to deep sleep in the day and feed and wake up more frequently in the late hours.  I know it will take some time for the days and nights to synchronize or for her to establish a schedule,  but somehow it's not as daunting as I expected.   Probably because she is too cute and I find myself just engulfed in her expressions and little face!  

It is okay if I admit she's cute right?   Am I supposed to be modest?   Whatever,  she really is just so adorable and precious in every way.   I get a huge shot of a blessed feeling every night when I look at her eyes and smile. 

No matter how tired taking care of two young children gets, I love it...truly.  That's how I know I was ready,  and meant to be a mom.  Being in love with your children does not capture how I feel... and I can say this, I am sure parents of older children and teenagers can say, because they are still both so small and innocent.  Rayna has just started being more alert so looks and smiles and does slight "coos".  As I hold her, even in the wee hours, I take it all in and try to cherish these moments,  where I just look at her looking at me and fall deeper in love than I ever thought possible. 

Yes I do have the nights also where I am so uber exhausted and long for a full night's rest, but honestly I knew what I was getting into with that. 

She is an angelic baby, loves cuddling and being held close...I hope that won't be a problem later.  She sleeps with both arms in the air (her aunt Priya calls her "Party Princess" because of it), makes little pout lips, has chipmunk-like cheeks, and sometimes holds her face in a pose...ohhhh you can melt every time you look at her.   She doesn't do much at this stage but doesn't need to, you really can't help but just stare and be in awe.

Maybe knowing we most likely will stop at 2 and knowing this is my last baby is playing into me just trying to savour every "coo", "cah" and baby facial expression.  Maybe, it is the different experience of having a daughter and having that angelic/fragile feel to it.  Maybe it's just being thankful for two healthy beautiful children.  Maybe it is seeing Caiden grow and develop so rapidly and reflecting on him as a baby, though gosh him as a toddler is entertaining and mind-blowing also. Whatever the reason, I just love staring at Rayna and cuddling with her daily. 

I am told don't do it too much, don't hold her too much, because she will get used to it; and given I have another child I physically cannot all day long.  However, she will only be this small for such a little period of time before that on-the-go phase approaches, that I often say "oh whatever".  These are precious moments with such a precious little one.  I am so blessed; I realize it and am thankful every time I stare at those little eyes, that sweet face, hold those itty hands and kiss those little chubster cheeks.

This is love.