Stay up and stare

Well Rayna is definitely a night owl, she mainly likes to deep sleep in the day and feed and wake up more frequently in the late hours.  I know it will take some time for the days and nights to synchronize or for her to establish a schedule,  but somehow it's not as daunting as I expected.   Probably because she is too cute and I find myself just engulfed in her expressions and little face!  

It is okay if I admit she's cute right?   Am I supposed to be modest?   Whatever,  she really is just so adorable and precious in every way.   I get a huge shot of a blessed feeling every night when I look at her eyes and smile. 

No matter how tired taking care of two young children gets, I love it...truly.  That's how I know I was ready,  and meant to be a mom.  Being in love with your children does not capture how I feel... and I can say this, I am sure parents of older children and teenagers can say, because they are still both so small and innocent.  Rayna has just started being more alert so looks and smiles and does slight "coos".  As I hold her, even in the wee hours, I take it all in and try to cherish these moments,  where I just look at her looking at me and fall deeper in love than I ever thought possible. 

Yes I do have the nights also where I am so uber exhausted and long for a full night's rest, but honestly I knew what I was getting into with that. 

She is an angelic baby, loves cuddling and being held close...I hope that won't be a problem later.  She sleeps with both arms in the air (her aunt Priya calls her "Party Princess" because of it), makes little pout lips, has chipmunk-like cheeks, and sometimes holds her face in a pose...ohhhh you can melt every time you look at her.   She doesn't do much at this stage but doesn't need to, you really can't help but just stare and be in awe.

Maybe knowing we most likely will stop at 2 and knowing this is my last baby is playing into me just trying to savour every "coo", "cah" and baby facial expression.  Maybe, it is the different experience of having a daughter and having that angelic/fragile feel to it.  Maybe it's just being thankful for two healthy beautiful children.  Maybe it is seeing Caiden grow and develop so rapidly and reflecting on him as a baby, though gosh him as a toddler is entertaining and mind-blowing also. Whatever the reason, I just love staring at Rayna and cuddling with her daily. 

I am told don't do it too much, don't hold her too much, because she will get used to it; and given I have another child I physically cannot all day long.  However, she will only be this small for such a little period of time before that on-the-go phase approaches, that I often say "oh whatever".  These are precious moments with such a precious little one.  I am so blessed; I realize it and am thankful every time I stare at those little eyes, that sweet face, hold those itty hands and kiss those little chubster cheeks.

This is love.