As I got into each celebration, I started thinking about how much my kids have grown. Naturally. But this year, I also thought about how much I have changed, grown, altered my perception.
I feel like so many of us stumble through the years of raising toddlers, it whizzing by, kind of losing ourselves because it goes by so fast to really think about what may be happening within you and outside of you. You are just trying to do you, but also trying to get little humans alive and happy, while doing your absolute best to not freak out or panic on all the things you are not getting done.
At least that is how I feel.
I feel like at some point, I did lose a bit of myself. Not in a negative way, but I just forgot to check in on how I was doing...what I needed. Truthfully, I just told myself I didn't have time and put "me" on the backburner because I was either too tired, or...well, yeah, I was just too tired.
As women, we often feel the need to either portray that we have all our shit together, and it can be difficult on us, unless we really talk about it.
To everyone that knows me and says to me "I don't know how you do it" and may be thinking my snapchats and instagram is things coming easily or naturally...trust me, I don't always have my shit together...at all. At least I don't feel like I do.
To be honest, I think it was hard for me to admit how scattered and flighty I felt or how "I let myself go", because I am normally super organized and could never see myself being anything but.
Because I felt that, I thought I should say so on this platform. Why?
- Because I am likely not alone
- Because writing it is my way of accepting it and figuring out my balance
- Because I want us moms to feel it is safe and not fear judgement to admit whatever we are feeling and needing
- Because it is just a part of life and I am always learning amd rediscovering myself
- Because it is hard some days and it doesn't make me a bad mom to admit that.
So what am I going to do?
I am giving myself a break.
No. I'm not taking a break...I am going easy on myself. I am going to follow my passion and continue to work on that. I am going to live in the moment as much as possible.I am not going to always worry about what isn't right and focus on what is awesome. I am going to acknowledge what I need to feel like me and ask for help so that I can take care of me if that is what I need in that very moment.
I want my kids to see I am a trier. But also that I know who I am and happy.
So, I am here saying...
"I am a proud and happy momma. I love motherhood and its journey. I do not always have my crap together but that is ok. I have changed and am still changing. I'm not lost I am just ever evolving. I do not care if it's what expected of me because the only expectation I will follow is the one I set for myself to be happy."
So moms...give yourself a break. It is ok to change and it's ok to do whatever you feel and want and need. Just smile and know you will find your true self so long as you just give yourself a break...and just be.
Now take a nap...because if you read all this, you are a tired momma that totally relates ;)