I Finally Decided to Breathe

When I became a mom, I fell so deep in love with this phase of my life that all else didn't matter. Not my relationships with others, not my career, not even my own self. The only thing that mattered was my connection with my child, my child's health (of course) and me being the best mom I could possibly be.

I would read about every recommendation and was on top of all the suggestions (both medical and familial). I was that new mom that rolled into each doctor's appointment with a note with a list of questions.

I was in charge of a rigurous schedule that worked well for my child (because I knew exactly how many hours of sleep they needed and when and why). I counted each hour, with each nap, each day, and if it fell below that minimum, I freaked.

I breastfed exclusively, and mastered every obstacle that came with that (because it was not easy at first for me). I watched the clock and timed every feed and every ounce I would have to leave behind, if I had to leave, and ensured I was back before that amount of ounce per hour saved was up. I took no chances.

Afterall, I was responsible for human life. Fricking HUGE responsibility right?

Yes...but what I failed to realize, what that you know what, I was a good mom regardless. I was a good mom for trying, but that didn't mean I had to be perfect.

Enter child #2. Wow. It's like she was my Ativan. She was the vapourizer, and my realization that I needed to breathe.

While, yes I still monitored her closely, she clusterfed. So, keeping track of how much was nearly impossible, and I didn't even bother to pump...I just took a wrap and her and out the door I went. I did mind her sleep, but I didnt agonize, because I knew she needed x amount and she was getting it, because I listened to her cues vs. A chart only. I didn't always have questions now, but that didn't mean I always had the answers either.

But that was alright.

When Rayna was born, I also had Caiden as  young dependent toddler. They were different in so many ways, that not one set of methods seemed to make sense anymore. I trusted myself, because I felt like a good mom. My babies loved me, and me asking for help, me taking breaks, and me sometimes going with the flow, didn't alter that.

Of course, I have my ways of parenting, and that works for me. But having two different personalities in my kids taught me that you have to do what works for you.

You can listen to a world of advice, but breathing and taking it in, and being true to yourself is key.

All new moms go through a learning curve and some paranoia. But it is perfectly ok. Once you got it...that's just it, you got it.

So breathe moms.

Because you are doing great, no matter how you are doing it.

Sigh.

Top 5 Things No New Mom Wants to Hear

As a new mom, it is common to pick the brains of those that have recently gone through the newborn phase, or those you trust. However, sometimes, ok almost always, you are faced with a plethora of advice that comes your way. Some warranted. Some overwhelming. Some just annoying.

For some reason, there are always women that decide to offer up some tidbits upon new mothers, which is frankly not advice at all. Unlike actual advice, these come as question pangs as they are sometimes coupled with an undertone of “well you aren’t doing it right.” Although not ill intended, I'm sure, sometimes people feel nervous for new moms, which is crazy because new moms are nervous for themselves enough. 

We all have been there, on the receiving end. But how do you avoid becoming one of those annoying women that people really don’t want to hear from, well that new moms don’t.

Here are some of the things a new mom does not want to hear. If she didn't ask, try to refrain from offering up these tips or asking these questions. If you do, you may have gotten an eye roll, or a finger behind your back, or told the “we won’t be home” if you have asked to visit again.

The top 5 list of things not to say to a new mom, and what the new mom is likely thinking is as follows:

Why is the baby crying?
It is a baby right? That is what they do…right? I'm just trying to figure it out myself, because I haven’t met a newborn that can articulate what it needs yet. But thanks for asking genius.

Is your breast milk in yet? Maybe you should give formula.
Ok, my nurse told me it takes a bit. But don’t you worry, when I am filling up or spewing liquid I will call you to ensure you I am not starving my child. Please go away now.

Oh when Charlie was a baby we used to give him honey.
Ok Charlie is 29. I am sure some things have changed since Charlie was a baby. But then again what does my medical doctor know...I should listen to you. 

You look tired.
___ off. 

Oh I'm sure you will lose the weight.
I didn't ask. I don't care right now. Why do you?

These are some of the most common things, I heard, or heard from colleagues.  As a new mom, you have to learn to roll your eyes and laugh about it. You cannot take it too personally. 

As a person visiting a new mom, please, pretty please try your best not to annoy a newly tired woman who is just learning the ropes. You may mean well, but trust me, you will be labeled as “that aunt” or “that friend” or “that former friend”. 

All in good humour of course ;)

So tell me, what are some of the best/funniest or flat out worst things you may have heard?